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Devious Collection by bleeder1221

Writing by Wildchild9

Devious Collection 2 by lovetodraw12


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Submitted on
December 14, 2004
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Everyday I wait to hear the sound your messages bring
Wait till the moment I see you agian
I sit and look at the clock
Count how many minutes till the next moment we next meet
I begin to wonder
Let my mind think
I love you
I can't seem to be at peace
Because I am missing the thing I need the most
Missing what makes my day complete
You and I mean so much to each other
You and I are so wonderful together
You are everything to me
All I ever need
I look for what I am missing
I'm so unhappy at times I could cry
But you stop my tears
I'm so happy at times I cry
And you bring those tears
I kiss you
Through a screen
And wonder if I will ever be able to do it for real
Sometimes I sit
After you have gone to bed
And I look at the things we said
Wonder the things I wanted to say
Think of the things I wish we could do together
Every day we talk from afar
I sit in my home
As you sit in yours
And we type the things we want to tell each other
But you and I cannot hide behind our computers forever
I long to hear your voice
A beep is no longer compensating
For the words I want to hear
Or the words I want to tell you
I need to be with you
Need to hold you in my arms
Need to kiss your tender lips
Need to hold your soft warm hand
I need you
I cant keep living this lie
Can't keep telling you that I'm okay
Because I know the truth
That everyday without you
Is an eternity of tourment
That every second I realize
That we aren't together
Is another second I wonder
If the world really makes sense
Because if I cant have you
Then why do I need anything....
If you read my poems, you know that this box changes all the time. That usually its just to put you in the mood for the poem. I've lately used a quote then a saying about the theme. I'm really very nervous about this one. It's very important to me. So instead, I'm going to make a short saying to the person this poem is about. She's my love. And in case you are wondering, the picture for the deviation is her. My Love. But her name will remain a secret.

When I first met you, I didnt know what to think of you baby. You and I didn't get along very well. We seemed to clash in so many ways. And the one thing you hated most, I liked most. But as it turned out, you were right. She wasn't right for me. And I regret ever doubting you. I felt terrible at first. And I looked to you for help. And the more we talked, the less we fought. I fell in love. As I sit here typing this, crying my eyes out, I know that you are so important. I remember all the feelings I ever had for anyone, and when I compare them to what I feel for you, its not even a contest, You are the greatest thing to ever grace my life. And I know that you and I will be together forever. As I look at all the things in my life, all the things I have, all the things I had wished I had, none of it matters. All my life I waited for the perfect girl. Someone I could just be who I was around. And I found her. She's you. You are my love. And everything I've ever told you is real. I don't lie. Not to you. I couldn't if I wanted to. About this poem, it's merely how I feel. Nothing for you to worry about. For the one thing I didnt mention, is that the enternal tourment, is nullified by your presence. Believe in us. Believe in me. I love you, and that conquers all.

All who read this and aren't who this is about must think of their lives. If you ever had someone you cared about, that is near you or was near you, cherish that time. For my love and I are far away, and the pain that it causes us both, is immense. We are in love, and I ask all of you for a favor. Pray to whoever you believe in, or if you dont pray, hope or wish, that one day me and my love will be together, because I know, that I do.

And also realize, that love is out there waiting for you. And look everywhere, because it may came in the strangest of places. Cherish your love if you have found them, for they are one of the greatest gifts of life.
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:iconheer88:
heer88 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013
its awesome.U know this are going with me this days.u portrayed in to beautiful word.
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:iconlunaskiss:
LunasKiss Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
This is the sweetest thing ever. I love it.
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:iconquietfawn-skywolf:
QuietFawn-SkyWolf Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2008
I think it's beautiful.

It matches exactly how I feel about someone at the moment.

Except it's through cellphones, not computers.

=)
Reply
:iconmesi10:
mesi10 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2008
Well I thought it was absolutely amazing. I think you did very well. I cant relate to what you must be going through but i know how difficult it must be, and i send you my sympathies. You did incredibly Awesome!
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:iconstute:
Stute Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2005
Wow.... Just.... Wow.... That... And the.... And...


Okay, just... Damn. I can't form a coherent thought...

Other than, I know how that is... Exactly how that is... Just... Amazing.
Reply
:iconaviusaura:
Aviusaura Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2005
I can sense the raw emotion from your poem and your description. It's really nice that you can express yourself through writing. However, since you don't have 'critique discouraged' down here, I'd like to do a brief one =)

The number one pitfall of poems like these, are cliches. Don't let yourself fall into the category of people who rely on them! Personally, when I write poems, even thought it be an emotional letout at the time, I still try to use my words to touch places within the reader that they never knew existed.

For example, in your poem-
"Wait till the moment I see you agian
I sit and look at the clock
Count how many minutes till the next moment we next meet"


Why not say something more in depth, like
'I've mapped out all the shortcuts I could take to your place
and gone through all the pictures
now I sit and catch the clock at when we used to meet
and wonder if that time will come back to
be significant again."

There are also some things to avoid, like 'you're my everything' or 'you're what makes my life complete'. Generally, that's what most people think when they're in love. But in order to make others relate and really feel it, you should looks for words and phrases that really make people say 'oh god, I can understand that.'

This part-
And we type the things we want to tell each other
But you and I cannot hide behind our computers forever


I really like the second line. But the first is too literal. It's one of those lines that belong in prose, not poetry. Rather, try and do what I have with the first part I quoted from your poem.

I really would try to make this critique more thorough, but there's a billion more people who've replied to my forum thing ^^; good luck! And keep writing! I hope everything works out for you =)

:heart:
-Tessa
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:icondantehicks:
DanteHicks Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2005
Well I dont know about you...but I like it exactly like it is. I know this person in real life and knows what hes going though. So please dont critisize him...hes been through alot. Thats all I ask. Thank you.

---
"Im not even supposed to be here today!"
Reply
:iconaviusaura:
Aviusaura Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2005
I wasn't by any means criticizing his experience. I wanted my comment to be honest, and being a poet myself, like many others, I like to see where poems can improve for the better. I have no doubt that he's going through a lot, as was evident by the posting of the poem, but I was critiquing the pure poetic elements of the poem. I'm sorry if the critique was unwanted, but it's what writers do. If he had not wanted any critque on it, there is a place when you submit deviations to change preferences to 'critique discouraged.'
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:icondantehicks:
DanteHicks Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2005
Im aware that writers tell other writers the mistakes they made but mabey thats the way they want it to be. If you were to look at a painting of some sort and say "this isnt right, he should have done this or that", then that would insult the artist. Not that the artist would care but its the princple of the thing. Im not going to say anymore on the subject so please just leave it be. Thank you.

---
"Im not even supposed to be here today!"
Reply
:iconaviusaura:
Aviusaura Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2005
you're obviously not a writer yourself, and therefore, you wouldn't understand. I didn't say anything about how the poem was not right. I understand where you're coming from, but I think you're acting on your emotions. The only way for an artist or writer to improve is through critique, not through comments that just say 'wow! it's so good!', for even the best of us aren't perfect. If he disagrees on what I've said, he can reply himself and I'll be glad to talk with him.
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